


Wash It All Away

by servatia83



Series: Ride On [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:38:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servatia83/pseuds/servatia83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A stranger in the Third Rail has a job for Kalyna and Nick. Just what she needs to forget Deacon, who walked away from her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wash It All Away

**Author's Note:**

> ((Title’s the subtitle of the Evanescence song Understanding. I find it fitting.))

Kalyna’s eyes were drawn constantly to the stranger chatting up Magnolia. The singer was leaning against the counter with a smile playing on her lips and her eyes never leaving his. She had the hots for the handsome man with the easy smile and the warm, innocent eyes.

‘Any reason why you’re ogling that one?’ Nick asked, his voice quiet.

Kalyna caught herself. ‘No. I mean yes. He’s following us.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes. And he’s rather clever about it.’ Kalyna rose and walked to the bar the moment Magnolia returned to her microphone. She bought an overpriced drink and set it before the guy in what looked like a helmless hazmat suit minus the equipment that went with it. ‘Hi,’ she said. ‘Have a bourbon. Then walk or say what you need.’ She could see him calculating his response.

‘Observant, are you?’ A languid smile formed on his face. ‘Not going to deny it. You’re that vault dweller, aren’t you?’

‘Indeed. What do you want?’

The man licked his lips. ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘your friend over there. I need a detective.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I’m being followed myself, you see. And I think I know what they want.’

‘Yeah?’

He swallowed. ‘Can we take that somewhere more private? I’d rather not disclose every sordid detail in public.’

They followed the man to the Rexford. He did indeed seem antsy, checking his surroundings constantly. Once inside a hotel room with a tiny packed suitcase, he relaxed a little. ‘It’s like this,’ he said, ‘I have a … less than stellar history. Chems business. Thing is, I quit, and if you know anything about the business, you’ll know that you can’t just do that.’ He swallowed. ‘I tried to vanish and failed miserably, it seems. They want me dead, you see. I know them all.’ He turned away, shoulders slumped. ‘I just want to be left alone. I won’t tell on anyone, I just want to live.’ He faced them again, first Nick, then Kalyna. ‘Is that too much to ask?’

‘D’you have a name?’ Nick asked. ‘We seem to be at a disadvantage there.’

‘Nicholas Marlen.’ Marlen made a face. ‘I know it was bad style to stalk you guys, but I didn’t know how you’d react to me being what I am. I still don’t know, come to think of it.’

Kalyna shrugged. ‘You have a past. Not too unusual in the Commonwealth. We’ll help. Won’t we?’ she added as an aside to Nick.

‘Why not. But I don’t think you want an investigator. You want someone who can either talk your former friends down or make sure they can no longer bother you.’

‘Talking won’t work. They’re all constantly high on their own chems. Very unprofessional, really. But you can surely try.’

‘Got a place for us?’

Marlen nodded eagerly. ‘I’ll show you on your map. Just … try and talk. Perhaps it helps.’

Ϡ

The place Marlen had directed them to was inhabited by what Kalyna would have considered raiders that made their caps with chems. At least at first glance. A second glance revealed a bigger problem. They were hired. Hired to hide the upper floor. And that was full of synths.

Kalyna’s first instinct was to find Marlen and ask him what the hell. But the fact was that the Raiders were actually producing chems as he had said, and they might not have any idea about their employers.

Kalyna was torn. She could try and talk to them, threaten them to keep their hands off Marlen, and ignore the problem upstairs. She could tell them just who they were working for. She could walk away. Or she could slaughter everything that moved, including the Institute synths upstairs, and do the Railroad a favour in the process. Whatever the Institute was doing here, it was certainly not going to help their cause, and, by association, Kalyna.

‘Nick?’ she asked quietly, far enough from the raiders to exchange a few quiet words. ‘I got some thoughts that narrow down to one. What’s yours?’

‘Institute. Get rid of the lot, try and talk sense to the raiders; but we both know how that’s going to end.’

‘Hell. Do we go to HQ?’

Nick’s lips twitched. ‘You’re still hoping to find Deacon again, aren’t you?’

Damn, she must be obvious. The mere mention of him made her ache. They’d fallen for each other from the word go, both shy about letting anyone close, both insecure. At least that was what Kalyna had thought. But when finally, finally she had made her move, telling him that she cared for him, he had fled. He’d muttered something incoherent and walked away, back to HQ, from there on a mission, and then he went dark. Deacon would never abandon the Railroad, so Kalyna had to assume he was dead. He’d been gone for weeks, and with every day the chances that he would return grew slimmer.

Nick placed a hand on her arm. ‘Sorry. I know it hurts. But you’ve got to be honest with yourself. It’s all right to miss him, you know.’

Kalyna nodded. ‘Foolish.’ She swallowed. ‘He was full of shit. Why did I fall for a liar like him?’

‘He’s a good guy, that’s why.’ Nick shrugged. ‘If you think we need the HQ, we can go there, but if that isn’t the real reason let’s deal with this right now and be done.’ He squeezed gently. ‘And if you want, we can try and find Deacon afterwards, or at least find out what happened to him.’

‘Very well. I’ll try and talk. If they don’t seem like listening, we clear everything out. The Institute has declared me a persona non grata anyway. Doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s do this.’

Ϡ

They returned to the Rexford a little worse for the wear but victorious. They’d tried, albeit superficially, to find out what exactly the Institute were doing, but she couldn’t make head or tail of the data. They’d probably wiped it all the moment they heard a commotion downstairs. She walked into Marlen’s room without knocking. He merely opened his eyes a little lazily. Given his previous nervousness, that seemed incongruous. ‘So,’ she said. ‘The chem brewers decided to shoot first and ask questions later, so they’re dead. So are the synths.’

Marlen’s eyes widened. ‘Synths? What synths?’

‘Gen 2s. Upstairs of the building.’

‘Oh my God. Oh God, I’m so sorry!’ He certainly sounded the part. ‘I had no idea. And … what … why the fuck?’

Nick folded his arms. ‘We’re not sure. But I’ll go and scour the place a bit, perhaps we missed something.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ Kalyna said immediately.

Nick eyed Marlen. ‘I’d rather you kept an eye on that one. I’ll be back.’

Kalyna rushed the detective and grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip. ‘Nick, if you vanish, too …’ She didn’t even bother trying to keep her words from Marlen, didn’t care that a perfect stranger overheard her.

‘I won’t vanish,’ the synth told her.

‘I can’t lose anyone else, Nick, not right after being abandoned like that. If I ever needed a real friend, it’s now.’

Nick smiled, gently and with so much compassion that she wanted to hug him and cry into his shoulder. ‘Kalyna. You will not lose me. I promise.’

She watched him go with a slight sense of despair.

‘What’s wrong, stranger?’ the man asked.

‘I lost too many people already,’ she muttered.

‘Wanna talk?’ He smiled. ‘It’s like this. We’re going to sit here waiting for Valentine anyway. We can at least chat rather than just awkwardly stare at the wall.’

‘True.’

He smiled. It seemed almost timid. No, that wasn’t quite it. It seemed like something he didn’t normally do, as if he didn’t really feel like smiling. At all. It felt like something she could relate to. ‘I know I’m just a random guy you met in a bar under suspicious circumstances. But here’s the deal. Depending on what your detective finds, you’ll end me anyway, or you’ll let me go knowing I’m no threat at all. Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger.’

‘Speaking from experience?’

‘Not yet.’ He leaned back on the couch, hands folded behind his neck. In the strange light of the Rexford his prominent features stood out sharply. ‘But … perhaps I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Who knows.’

‘What does that depend on, I wonder?’

Marlen shrugged. ‘If you want to hear a soul strip.’

‘Very well. Let’s see. For starters, my husband was murdered, my son abducted, and then it turned out he was a monster I’ll have to put down. And then, despite not wanting to, I fell in love, I thought it was mutual, but the guy ditched me.’

Marlen gave her a once over. ‘What an idiot.’

‘Thanks, I think. But … I don’t know. I never knew him. He was bullshitting me all the time, everything he said was a lie.’ Kalyna felt tears forming in her eyes. She’d thought it was easier by now, but apparently, she was wrong. ‘He’s probably dead now.’

Marlen sat up straight. ‘What? Why?’

‘He vanished. No one’s seen him or heard of him.’

‘And the Commonwealth isn’t a friendly place.’ He sighed. ‘But it’s also a place where you can lose someone quite easily if you don’t want to be found.’

‘You failed at that.’

‘I did. But perhaps he was a bit more resourceful. Not that that’s saying much.’

‘He … would be able to give anyone the slip. But he wouldn’t do that. He had responsibilities.’

‘What kind?’

‘A family that needs him and that he’d never leave to fend for themselves. If nothing else, he was dedicated and absolutely loyal to them.’

‘Another woman?’

‘No. Hell, maybe. I have no idea.’

‘What’s his name? Maybe I met him, I met a lot of people in my life.’

Kalyna was about to answer. Then she laughed, entirely humourlessly. ‘I haven’t the faintest idea. He never told me his real name.’

‘Sounds like a jerk.’

‘Not really. Long story but nowhere near as exciting as one would think.’ She sat next to him, finally abandoning her spot at the door. ‘Tell me your tale. Maybe if it’s even sorrier than mine I’ll feel a bit better.’

‘I doubt it.’ He shrugged. ‘Well. Maybe that’ll earn me the execution. I’m a murderer, you see.’

Kalyna had a hard time believing it. He sure didn’t look the part. ‘Define murderer.’

‘Catching a guy and killing him for the simple fact that he exists.’

‘Why?’

‘He was a synth. Maybe. And I … hated those, like so many others. Just I brought it to a whole new level. Or we did.’ Marlen looked away, disgust etched onto every line of his face. ‘Some things never leave you, you know. His eyes … bulging.’ Suddenly restless, Marlen rose and started pacing. ‘I left them then. Had a farm. And a wife. We wanted kids.’ Marlen halted with a visible effort and stared down at Kalyna. His stare was so angry, so intense, she wondered if he would attack her. Well, she’d be able to handle him. She prepared to have to fight the man. ‘And then it turns out my Barbara was a synth. And guess what happened.’

Heart falling into a dark pit, she realised she was facing a monster. ‘You killed her.’

His eyes widened. ‘What? _No_.’ His voice was quiet but bitter. ‘My so-called friends did. They found us, you see.’ His eyes fell to the floor. ‘And I killed them.’

‘Marlen …’ Kalyna rose, too, and approached him. ‘A question?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘Why did I kill them? Because they took her from me. I didn’t give a fuck what she was at that point. If you think about it,’ he tapped his forefinger to his temple, ‘really think about it, it makes no difference. They’re people.’ He lowered his voice. ‘But who’m I telling.’

Kalyna decided to ask about that remark, but first she had to push. ‘There are people who think like you. That it doesn’t matter. They can do with anyone that agrees.’

‘Yeah. That they can.’ He reached out, hands landing on her arms. ‘Why don’t you shoot me, or yell, or whatever?’

‘Because you were a stupid young fool that learned a very dire lesson.’ She shrugged. ‘You need a purpose. I can relate, trust me. I found mine, perhaps I can help you find one, too.’

The slow, warm smile returned to Marlen’s face. He pulled her towards him, their bodies almost touching. Normally this was the moment she rammed her knee into his groin, but something stopped her, a voice trying to tell her that she really didn’t want to do that. ‘I’ll tell you a secret,’ he said quietly. The touch of the fingers resting on her arms was featherlight, making her feel the slight tremble, as if he were afraid. His voice fell to a murmur, barely audible even though all around them was silent. ‘You can tell absolutely no-one. Not Nick, not anyone else in the world.’

‘Why would you tell me, then?’ She was still tensed for a fight. The man was way closer than she wanted a dark horse like him.

‘You deserve it. Listen. I’ll only say it once. You ready?’

Despite herself, Kalyna nodded.

Marlen licked his lips. ‘Connor Dearborn.’

Confusion flooded Kalyna and she pulled away, perhaps more forcefully than was necessary since his hold on her was extremely light. ‘Look, I don’t know what bullshit this is, but …get out of my space.’

‘It’s my name.’ He shrugged. ‘My real name.’

‘Connor Dear…’

He closed her lips with a forefinger, eyes bright blue and intense and suddenly horribly familiar, sending her heart into wild gallop. ‘Don’t say it,’ he breathed. ‘Please. Never repeat it. Remember if you must. The only living person aside myself who knows.’ His face was only inches from hers, Kalyna could feel the man’s breath against her skin, interrupted by his speech. ‘That man was an asshole and a bigot. I cannot be him. I want him to stay dead. I don’t want anyone to know that name. That I tell you … it means I trust you. If that’s of any consequence.’

She knew. Perhaps a part of her had known the moment she spotted him in the Third Rail, but somewhere between Nick leaving and this moment, she had known. And yet, she didn’t dare believe it. ‘Who are you?’

The man’s face was pained, his forehead creasing slightly, head tilting to the side. His lips opened marginally and closed again. He wouldn’t answer.

Kalyna saw the moment pass. He moved out of her personal space, adopting the nonchalant demeanour of before. He would leave, and this time, for good. ‘Deacon,’ she managed. It wasn’t a question. As he stopped dead, freezing completely as if suddenly turned to stone, she tried to find something familiar in the features, but there was nothing there that looked similar to the face she’d got used to. Except his eyes, which were such a rare sight that she’d overlooked them. She stared on, learning the curve of his lips, the coffee-brown spot on the right side of his nose, the little dimple in the chin. ‘ _Deacon_.’

‘The same,’ he answered. ‘Well, at least on the inside. Not very inventive as a codename, I know, but I had about as much time to think of something as you did. Also, I’m not dead. Look. If you’d rather I split … But I thought … I didn’t plan this, Whisper. I followed you because I couldn’t stay away, not because I meant to use you.’

‘Sure.’

‘Hey. I’m … trying.’

She didn’t have to ask what. He was trying to be honest. And he wanted … needed her to believe him. ‘All right. I believe you, you know.’

‘Question. Vital one. Who else left after me?’

‘What?’

‘Who else walked out after I ran like the coward I am?’

Anger rose in Kalyna’s chest. ‘You are not a coward. You’re brave. You could have died, doing what you did.’

He shuddered. ‘Nearly did. They hurt me good.’

‘To answer your question, no-one else left. Why?’

Deacon swallowed. ‘And you believe me.’ She nodded, her eyes never leaving his. Seeing them wasn’t too frequent an event, she needed to take advantage of the opportunity. The one thing he hadn’t changed. Either an oversight or meant as a clue for someone who wanted to see. ‘Well. If I’m the only one who left, then you were … heartbroken because of me. That means you meant it when you said you care about me and I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.’ He bit his lips. ‘I never deserved it to begin with. Any of it. Like being in the Railroad.’

‘Why? You changed.’

‘I committed more hate crimes than I can count, culminating in a vicious murder.’

‘How many synths did you save since you joined the Railroad?’

‘You can’t weigh lives like that.’

She took his hands and squeezed. ‘Yes, you can, to a degree. There is a point where a man is redeemed. If he truly regrets, and if he tries to do right. And you clearly do.’

‘If it hadn’t been me helping them escape it would have been someone else.’

‘If it hadn’t been you involved in the murder, it would have been someone else, too. And I wouldn’t be too sure about someone else being there in the Railroad, especially someone of your mettle. You’re quite something.’ She frowned. ‘You need to let them know you’re all right. I get you were still helping by sending me and Nick to those guys, but they’re all worried sick.’

Deacon made a face. ‘You’re right, and I was going to. I just needed to think. Needed to steel myself into telling you all this. Look … If you don’t want me to hang around anymore, I understand.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘And if you’d rather I keep an arm’s length distance, I understand that, too. But … Much as I delight in that … look you’re giving me right there, so sweet … Oh, hell, Whisper. I’m so scared of falling.’

‘Perhaps it helps if I promise you a soft landing.’ She covered the short distance between them and cupped Deacon’s face. ‘It’s hard for me, too, you know. I meant what I said to Nick. I don’t think I can bear to lose anyone else. If I’ve got to lose you, I’d rather it’s now. Because the longer I know you, the more I’ll … I’ll love you.’

Warm hands took hold of hers, plucked them away in order to kiss them both and hold them gently. ‘I won’t let you crash, either. If my words have any meaning to you.’

‘Do you think I can kiss you?’

Deacon’s lips curled slightly. ‘If you’re feeling adventurous, you could try. D’you dare?’

‘Difficult. What could happen?’

‘Dunno. I could kiss you back. Or have a heart attack. Or prove that I lied after all and am indeed planning to kill you. One of those three’s sure to happen.’

‘Too risky.’

The moment she turned away, he grabbed her, pulled her flush against his body, and kissed her, desperately and full of need. When he pulled away, he was breathing hard, cheeks flushed nearly crimson. ‘Guelder rose, a thing of the past, but how fitting. Hair so light it’s nearly white, and red-hot fire in the soul.’ He pressed his forehead against hers. ‘And your voice kept whispering to me ever since I walked away, telling me to go back, to spill, to lay myself bare because you would be just the complete fool you are and not shove me into a pit full of nuclear waste like you should. Kalyna. Whisper. Either’s beautiful and fitting. Not true for me. I can only ever be Deacon. Promise?’

‘Solemnly. I don’t care much for that other guy. But Deacon … Deacon’s a fine man. Great, even.’ She brushed her lips against his and smiled. ‘Maybe I can get him to see that one day.’ Out of the corner of her eye, Kalyna saw the door close quietly after it had opened by a fraction. She grinned. ‘Nick’s back.’

Deacon disentangled himself from Kalyna and looked around. ‘What? Where?’ It clearly bugged him that his attention had slipped like that.

‘Peeked in and left.’ She locked the door and smiled. Deacon looked still half worried, and she needed him to stop that. ‘It wasn’t a mistake. Telling me. All of it.’

‘I know.’ He shook himself. ‘I know.’ Eyes crinkling at the corners, Deacon looked at her. ‘So. The door’s locked, we know we want each other, and we’re both adults. Whatever do we do with a situation like that?’

Kalyna grinned and steered her man to the bed, sitting him down. Straddling his lap, she kissed him again, pressing into him, rubbing against the hardness in his crotch. Deacon let out a groan, his hands tugging at her clothes, hands shaking so badly with a mixture of need and sheer nerves he almost couldn’t get her shirt out of the way. ‘God, I’ve got it bad,’ he managed. ‘You do things to me, Whisper.’

Kalyna pushed him onto his back. She wasn’t much more composed than him. She lay down next to him, opening the top of that horrible hazmat suit. His chest was smooth and lean, not an ounce of excess fat on his body. Muscles were playing under the skin, the mark of a man who did field work. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ she said, running her fingertips over the exposed skin. ‘I … Deacon, I … you’re the first man I … since Nate …’

Again, Deacon silenced her with a finger. ‘Got it.’ He kissed her again, so softly this time. ‘Want to wait?’

‘No.’

‘Me neither. Tell you something. For me it’s the first time in a long time, too. Even longer since it last meant anything.’ He slid a hand up her side, cupping a breast when he reached it. ‘I’m not exactly a Don Giovanni.’

‘No? I thought maybe you’d like to get intel that way. It was … something that worried me. The thought.’

‘I flirt to get intel. You know that. But … sex means letting my guard down. And I can’t do that if I don’t trust someone. And you know how that’s with me.’

‘I feel honoured.’ It wasn’t even a joke, but she didn’t realise that until she’d said it. Her hands went down into the trouser part of the suit. Deacon shuddered when she cupped his cock through his briefs. ‘Are we even allowed to do this?’

Deacon fought for enough composure to answer. He kicked the offending clothing items off and opened his legs for better access. ‘Not exactly. Dez is real strict about fraternization. We’ll have to keep it secret.’

‘Nick won’t tell anyone.’ She wanted to shout what Deacon meant to her from the roof of the highest building of Diamond City, but silence that was the price she was willing to pay it. It wasn’t unreasonable.

‘Nah, not worried about him.’ Deacon helped her out of her remaining clothes and placed a warm hand on her hip, thumb caressing her skin. ‘Makes sense, you see. Remember what I told you a while ago? Imagine having not just to your family but a fellow agent who might easily be lost to worry about, never mind the possibility of extortion. It’s also why we don’t usually take people who are related or married to each other when they show up together.’ He grimaced. ‘Normally. But beggars can’t be choosers.’

‘I understand, Deacon.’

He smiled. ‘Good.’

‘And what would happen if someone found out?’ Something about his delivery had sold him out. Kalyna wasn’t sure herself what it was, perhaps the ridiculous image of Dez turning down a family of three that showed up in the HQ after following the Freedom Trail together. ‘Except nothing, of course.’

Her companion’s smile widened. ‘Ah. Damn. I tried.’ She smacked his butt and he yelped. ‘To answer your question, Glory would give you a mouthful because she’s Glory. Dez would tell you to look after me, Tom would say you’re crazy because somehow it’s the Institute’s fault you fell in love, and Carrington … well, he might give you a lecture about how unprofessional this is, but other than that … we’re not the Brotherhood.’

‘Thank God.’

Deacon sat up and let his eyes travel over Kalyna’s body. ‘Tell you what. I’m done talking. For now.’ He placed the back of his fingers between her breasts and slowly slid them down. Her legs opened on their own accord. Mischief on his face, Deacon’s travelling hand veered left below her navel, down her leg to her knee. At her groan he cocked his head. ‘What? Something the matter?’

‘Deacon …’

The mirth left him. ‘I … don’t really feel like playing games, myself, right now. Still can’t believe it.’

‘Shift a bit, I want to taste you.’ Kalyna could see him twitch at her words.

Deacon obliged hurriedly, dropping back onto the mattress on his side. He angled his upper leg and tugged Kalyna’s hips towards him. He placed a kiss on the soft mound. ‘Let me reciprocate?’

She did. Deacon’s lips were on her immediately, an arm snaking around her to grip her butt. She grabbed his cock and sucked him in more greedily than she had planned. Deacon’s hips started moving as she worked him, kneading his balls with one hand and letting her tongue dance around his tip. Deacon was treating her with exceptional gentleness, his lips tugging at her clit before his tongue flicked over it, sending electricity racing through her entire body.

And it wasn’t just what he was doing, it was the fact that it was _Deacon_ doing it. Deacon moaning as she sucked him into her mouth. Deacon sliding a finger into her and curling it just so. Deacon’s sex, throbbing as she pleasured him …

She felt the tidal wave slamming into her only when it was there. With a muffled moan around his dick, Kalyna came, her entire body convulsing with the sensation. Deacon didn’t let her go at once. He kept lapping at her a couple of times before he slowly withdrew his finger and released her.

Cautiously, he removed himself from her lips. ‘Whisper, I’d like to …’

‘Yes.’

Deacon covered her with his body, capturing her eyes with his. His breathing was fast, but his eyes so gentle. He kept looking at her when he entered her, so carefully, so slowly as if he feared to hurt her. ‘Still can’t believe it,’ he said again. He kissed her lips and the tip of her nose and started moving slowly. What he did to her felt incredible, the slow friction building her desire up again fast, the grinding motion whenever he was buried in her driving her mad. ‘God, Whisper.’

Beautiful as his face was, Kalyna closed her eyes, letting his body and his voice caress her. Her hands roamed over him, holding him, stroking his back and his neck and his head. His lips locked to hers, tongue slipping into her mouth. He moaned, his thrusts gaining intensity and speed. ‘Yes, Deacon, feels so good,’ she muttered against his lips. ‘Make love to me.’

He pulled away a fraction and she looked again. He was perfect, his lower lip caught between his teeth, a drop of sweat running down from his temple. ‘You’re wonderful,’ he said. He peppered her lips with kisses and stilled with an almost pained sound. ‘Been so long. Wanted you for so long.’

‘Let go,’ Kalyna said, seeing his desperation to draw out their encounter. ‘Let go, Deacon. This is hardly our last time.’ She smiled, her lust making her voice husky. ‘I’ll be right there with you, handsome.’

‘Again?’

‘Yeah.’

With a groan, Deacon relinquished what hold he had on himself, his motions no longer tame but fast and passionate. With every thrust a moan broke from his throat, one hand tangling in her hair, lips pressed against hers in a messy, wet kiss. Kalyna held on to Deacon as if she was drowning. When she felt his movements lose their rhythm, his hips slamming into hers, and his cock pumping cum into her, it was enough for her to follow him over the edge.

Deacon had the grace not to let himself fall on top of her but to support himself on his upper arms. With his pupils dilated, mouth open as he gasped for air, he was one of the most beautiful sights Kalyna had ever seen. Trying to steady his breath, her man smiled down at her. ‘Wow,’ he said. He did let himself fall then, but next to her rather than on her. ‘You gonna stay here tonight, right? And tomorrow. And so on. Well. Not here-here. But with me-here. Don’t ever leave, not after … this.’

‘Wasn’t planning to.’ She settled close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘I’m still scared. That you’ll start thinking about this and figure out I’m scum.’

Kalyna flung an arm around him. ‘Drop it, Deacon.’ She placed one hand over his heart. ‘Please. Just try and love yourself. Cause if you don’t, you’ll do something reckless one day and you’ll die, and then I’ll be alone.’

A larger hand covered hers, holding it tight. ‘If anyone’s able to get that message home … to manage to hammer in that mantra I’ve been trying to tell myself … that I’m not just a piece of shit that should have died … that I have a right to be happy, to have a beautiful life with a beautiful person at my side … if anyone can do that, it’s you. I’m in a much better place than I used to be. Feel a lot better. Also about myself. Part of that is the Railroad, the work we do, that I am a part of. And more recently, you. You give me a huge load of confidence and strength.’ He tilted her face up. ‘Thanks, Whisper. For being you.’

Kalyna closed her eyes. Only now she felt how hard it had been to accept that he was gone. To have found him again …

He chuckled, breaking her reverie. She couldn’t hear it, but she felt the ripples in his chest. ‘Oh, they’re all gonna goggle. No way are we keeping this a secret. Not that I think I could.’

‘Deacon?’

‘Hm?’

‘Go to sleep.’

‘At your command.’

**Author's Note:**

> ((I'm almost sorry about the red herring.))


End file.
